Workin' on my fitness

Welllllll for the past several months (since June 1, to be exact), I have been working on being healthier. I've been getting pretty darn chubby, if ya ask me. It was time to do something about it. Not because I want to fit the worlds idea of "attractive", but because I want to be healthy. I want to wake up in the morning without hating the way I look. I want to make life changes now to ensure a healthier future.

So far, I have lost 18 lbs all together. This has not been an easy task, mind you. I make mistakes regularly, and I still have about 9 more to go. Here are some pictures...

Before....pretty yuck.

After...getting better.

Like I said, I still have a little ways to go, but I think I'm doing alright. I've had awesome support and encouragement! Not to mention a great workout partner!

This last weekend, I ran/walked my first 5K. Next year, I will run the whole thing! Yay.

Just wanted to share. :)

Sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder if this will ever be resolved.
Am I always going to be broken, dysfunctional?
I wonder how many more tears I will cry before this is all over....if it ever is.
I wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable talking about this openly with my close friends.
I wonder if it's always going to hurt.

The pain, I can handle. The anxiety, I cannot. It's an emotional rollercoaster that refuses to stop to let me get off. I am thankful that there are steps to be taken to mend the situation. But at times, I'd almost rather live with it than deal with it.

To calm my nerves and my tears, I keep myself busy. I workout at least 5 days a week. I've been needing to get myself back into shape. 11 pounds down so far with about 10 more to lose. It's easy to stay focused on my fitness when I'm using it to ignore my problems. Whenever my muscles get too sore, and exercise is out of the question, I play my guitar. Don't think. Just play. Sing your heart out. Play until your fingers bleed...as long as you don't think!

I wish you could know what I'm talking about. But I'm not brave enough to tell you. One day I will be. Just not today.

Just...life.

A little less than 4 months before the big move. I'm only stressing about a few minor details such as: where are we going to live? Should we buy a house? Should we just rent? Where am I going to work? Should I go back to school for a masters? Shouldn't I be taking the GRE? ughhh

So I bought a plane ticket this weekend. For a weekend trip to NY to search for a home. Because the town we are moving to is quite small, I am having no luck getting much done online as far as house/job searching goes.

I don't just want any ol' job. I want to do something that matters. I want to make a difference everyday. Wishing I could work for UNICEF or YWAM or something awesome like that.

To keep myself from stressing out too badly, I bought myself some goodies off of etsy today. If you need some cute fall headbands, check out this blog. You won't be disappointed!

Recap!

Crazy, busy, WONDERFUL summer. So far, I've gone to Disney World and to my best friend's wedding in Destin. I have two more weddings in the next two weekends...and it's only June! Here are some pictures from my journeys.

I love summer and all of its adventures. If only I didn't have to find time for work in between!

Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Lattitudes

It's hard to believe that I have been out of college and away from Arkansas for an entire year. It's even crazier that I sort of miss it. This is certainly a time of frequent change for me. Seth is graduating in December. I thought it would take forever, but it's sort of sneaking up on me. Upon his graduation we may (or may not) be moving to western New York. I know, scary right? I love NYC though, and we will only be a few hours away from a Broadway show for a date. SCORE! I am currently working on applying for grad school and a scholarship/assistantship. We'll see how that goes.

Yes, I'm excited. But I already get so homesick, and I'm only 7 hours away from home. I can't imagine being 19 hours away. I miss being home...late night card games with my grandparents, 4 wheeler rides with the cousins, catching lightnin' bugs at night, fishing in the Shookville pond, chillin at Strawberry bluff with my dad-o. It's just not fun growing up and moving on. The good news is...God is in control. No matter where I am or what's going on, He's still on His throne. That's my only peace. **In the arms of Your mercy I find rest**

I'll keep you posted. ;)

I'll leave you with this lovely spring picture...

Oh Brother!

Today, I feel like writing about my brother. His name is Steven Tyler Clayborn. I call him Brother. You can call him Tyler. He's pretty crazy. Completely unpredictable. A musical genius. Some people say that he's self-centered...and I just don't really care for those people. We've had our ups and downs, as most siblings do. And there are times that I would love to beat him up, but...No matter where I am or what trouble I have gotten myself into, I can always count on him to come to my rescue. He's been my hero on several occasions, and I don't ever expect that to change.

Seriously, if you have never heard my brother perform, you are missing out in a BIG kind of way! He will be performing in Alexandria, LA on May 5 at Spirits. He's actually going to let me do 4 or 5 songs with him! Cause he loves me.

You should really try to come. If you live far away, I'll try to figure out how to post a video on here so you can hear him.

Tyler has been the only constant in my life. No matter which parent I was living with, or where I was in the world, Tyler was always there. He understands me when no one else does. He's my brother. He's my friend too. I just love him. Can't ya tell?

Great Song...

Just wanted to share this song...been on my mind all day...

I've been lookin' til my eyes are tired of lookin'

Listenin' til my ears are tired of listenin'

Prayin til my knees are sore from kneelin on the bedroom floor

I know that you know that my heart is aching

I'm running out of tears and my will is breaking

I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans

are slowly slipping through my folded hands

So I'm gonna lay it down

I'm gonna learn to trust you now

What else can I do? Everything I am depends on You

And if the sun don't come back up

I know your love will be enough

I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go

I'm gonna lay it down

I've been walking through this world like I'm barely living

Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been digging

But You're pulling me out

I'm finally breathing in the open air

Oh this room may be dark but I'm finally seeing

There's a new ray of hope and now I'm believing

That the past is the past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now

Oh, 'cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans

Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

So I'm gonna lay it down

I'm gonna learn to trust You now

What more can I do?

Everything I am depends on You

And if the sun don't come back up

I know Your love will be enough

I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go

I'm gonna lay it down.